Wussie enters Act Three Hell at clvl 48, with 25 Strength, 25 Dex, 10 Vit, 265 Energy.

Frozen Orb @ 19
Cold Mastery @ 6
Static Field @ 12
Teleport @ 1
Lightning Mastery @ 1
Hydra @ 4
Warmth @ 5
All necessary Prereqs @ 1

By this point, I had become an old pro with Frozen Orb. There might be others more adept with this skill, but I doubt there are many. I'm amazed at its power, yet more amazed at its subtleties. Tales of FO use on the Realms invariably talked about spamming the skill mindlessly, or repeating a blind rhythm of FO-SF-SF-Teleport, ad nauseum. No doubt the skill could be used that way, but I found a lot of entertainment out of using it efficiently -- out of knowing EXACTLY how much I would need for any given fight and using no more than this. The precision of that really turns me on. :)

Here is a perfect example. (Look! It's Peter Cottontail! He's hopping down the bunny trail! Hippity-Hop, and Peter's on his way!) Yes, these apes may look like fierce demons, but they aren't. They are rather silly little monsters. I think only the undead in act five are less fearsome. Anyway... you see the orb placement? Do you see an ice bolt aimed perfectly for him? This poor target already ate three bolts from one orb, and he's eating four more from this one. One has already hit. Another you see about to hit. One will hit in passing, then another will spray back at him from behind. He's a goner!

As you may remember, I call that attack the Cold Shoulder, because I aim to have the target positioned just off the shoulder of my orb as it passes. You always always always want the shards to hit the right-arm of the target. If the target is running toward you, you shoot to this side of him. If he is running away, you shoot to the other side. You want those shards hitting the target's right arm. That's how you get the most hits off each individual orb. Any other placement means fewer hits. You can hit one target up to six times with a properly placed Cold Shoulder, depending on their size and speed. You'll never hit less than three times. Other types of aim will miss more. This remains true in D2X, and in fact it becomes all the more urgent to know, because with the timer, you must make the most of every orb.

Now here you see a boss who represents a lethal threat to a softcore wussie.

Boss abilities combine in strange ways. We all know this. Just catch a glimpse of a multiple shots lightning boss and you will not be able to forget it! Well, fire and cold enchanted combines in a nasty way. Fire enchanted bosses explode for fire and physical damage, but with very short range. Cold enchanteds explode with a frost nova. If the boss has both, the range of the fire damage is extended. If you get hit by the frost nova, at all, you'll take the fire and physical damage too. Yum.

Now you might think that we don't talk about such things, but in this case, you can clearly see that the boss is on his last leg, yet is safely contained across the river. Wussie won't be kissing the ground in town after this fight, that much I promise you. We're not talking about other FECEB's, though. We're just talking about this one. OK? OK then.

Fire/Lightning enchanted is bad, too. In fact, almost every boss in Hell has something bad going on. If it's not a strange combo of elemental effects, like fire and cold damage attached to LEB sparks, then it's wacked-out crap from Extra Strong Spectral Hit blows (like some insane poison damage at times), or Extra Fast Holy Freeze, and other such craziness. Did wussie get smacked around by this clucking turkey? Arg. Let's not talk about it, OK?

So we come to the Arachnid Lair. Wussie's nearing a level up, but arrgh, screw it. It's only a few bugs in there, right? How bad can it be?

OK, well. Um... yeah, sure. So it can be something that rhymes with "merry, merry lad". Oh my. Well drat and double drat. Fooey, even. Pish and tosh! Enough said about that mess, OK? Like, Wussie paid a visit to Doctor Stairs Trap, and he sent her quite a bill. (That's not a discussion on the subject, though. You got that? No one said a thing.)

The funny thing, you can see his abilities in this screenshot. Wussie only got the barest glimpse while playing. I thought he was Extra Strong Magic Resistant LEB. Apparently not, according to instant replay. (ARRGH! NO MORE TALKING! SHUT UP! TABOO SUBJECT! OK? OK THEN!)

"Um... Asheara? May I have another merc please? I'll keep this one alive longer. I promise!"

"Vanji? Good man. Now, um, you charge out there, and I'll stand back here and shoot orbs. OK? OK then."

Hello? Vanji? You were supposed to charge in the OTHER direction. You silly merc! *sigh* No, I'm not going to get you killed. Just trust me, OK? Pleeeeease?

So on we go to the Spider Cavern. True to her word, Wussie kept Vanji alive the whole way there. (*snicker* ... As if that short jaunt up the forest to the next alcove was any kind of distance, and the small pack of jungle hunters were any kind of serious enemy threat!)

"Vanji? Good man. You, um, go in there and kill Sszark, while I wait out here. OK? Get going now. Off you go. Scoot. Giddyap. Move it move it move it. ... What do you MEAN you aren't going in there alone??? Dammit, man. Are you an iron wolf or are you a mouse? OK OK, stand aside. Watch the fragile little sorcie do all the hard work while you sit around on your lazy ass. I see how it is."

Lil Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, sat down beside her, and scared Miss Muffet away!

Or maybe not.

WOOHOO! KICKED HIS ARACHNID ASS NINE WAYS TO HELL! Oh yeah, we gots to talk about this one, and how. :)

"See, it went something like this. Wussie (that's me) ran bravely in there and tore all the spiders a new orifice. She flung orbs to the left of them, orbs to the right of them, and jammed orbs right down their throats. She zippity-zap-zapped them with poweful electricity and smashed them all without the slightest hesitation, you see. ... OH SHUT UP VANJI! Who's telling this tale anyway? Yes yes, OK then. Alriiiighty, then. Yes yes yes. You had some miniscule part in it, too. There? Satisfied now? Sheesh. You know you could have had the glory, but NOOOOOO! You wouldn't go in there alone. So hush up now, you hear me? You quit telling fibs about me hiding under a web blanket. I TOLD you already, that I was looking for treasures under there. OK? OK then. Good man."

So onward we go. No need to discuss the rest of the spider forest. You got that? Good.

Hmm. Now THIS I've never seen before. Flayers in the Spider Forest???

Oh, now I see. The back end of this alcove opens onto the back end of an alcove in the Flayer Jungle. How... odd. Well, um, Vanji? I'm going to look for treasures behind this stone wall while you go attack those Flayers? OK? Coooool. Thanks, buddy. Go git em! Scoot scoot scoot.

Vanji my man, that is a fine idea. Backtrack and do the Marsh. Anything to postpone the flayers-- um. I mean, "anything to please my pal Vanji."

Heal-a-portation boss. How fast can Wussie Girl spam the frozen orbs? Pretty darn fast! Down down down he goes. Down for the count. Ding-ding-ding! The winner, and still champion, Wussie Girl! *applause* *cheers* *the crowd roars*

OK, um... Marsh cleared, no particular problems. The Flayer Jungle you say? Well now, who wants to talk about THAT stinky old place. Certainly not you, right? Let's skip that part for now. "Move on, folks. Nothing interesting to see here. Keep moving, now. You only THINK you see a woman in a green skirt lying on the ground. It's all just a mass hysteria, induced by the Prime Evils. Move along now." Maybe we'll come back and talk about it. Some day. All right? Good.

Yay! It's the mascot from San Diego! He's giving the enemy offense quite an electric display of animosity. Here comes the play. First and ten, ball on the forty yard line... Wussie runs off tackle, BIG HOLE! She's gone! She's gone! Thirty! Twenty! Ten! TOUCHDOWN! The crowd is booing and hissing. Apparently, this isn't the first time the home team got run over by a wussie from out of town. Ah, the cruelties of sports! :)

OK so, it's hot child in the city. Wussie's runnin 'round, lookin pretty. Yet what does a wussie girl fear the most? Why, anything that can slap her into next year with a single blow. That's not all THAT many things, but here we go with one of them.

LAND, you birdy bastid. Oh pish and puffly-poohpooh. Bad bird! Very very bad. Now stop that. You're stirring up the leapers. Oh dear. What is it that rhymes with ouch again?

Slouch. OK? Arg. Slouchie. So sayeth the wuss. Slou. Chee.

Well now. No need to elaborate on that mess. Plus it's not polite to swear too much, you know. (Not that I'm admitting to anything, you understand).

Moving on, we find that Lower Kurast has developed rocket science. Either that, or... perhaps that racy thing is alive? Can it be? YIKES! Zippin around like a hummer from Hell. RUN WUSSIE RUN! Aiyeeeee!

Ah. Yes indeedy now. Wussie walks over near the platform ledge, marvels at the thing's inability to lift a foot and step up onto the platform, sticks her tongue out at him and *PTHBBBBBBBBT!*

Piece of cake from there, yes? Right? Ought to be, oughtn't it? Well, you might think so. But then the dark thing rockets away, wounded, and arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. Oh pooh. Well, I'm not going out there. This looks like a nice place right here, this very spot, to settle down, build a house and raise a family. I am NOT going to have that blue ape-thing blow its guts all over me on some surprise charge like a stone thrown from a sling. The bugger is FAST, OK? OK then.

*taps foot* *hums a tune* *whips out a ball and some metal bits and plays jacks on the waypoint* "Is he gone yet? Is he coming back?" *paces the edge of the platform a bit* *snacks on some raisins* *constructs an oven and bakes some bread* "Has he come back yet? No? Still not?" *writes War and Peace* *goes fishing for paramecea in the tiny pool of stagnant water in the corner* *dies of old age*

Oh pish and puffle. Dammit dammit dammit. FINE, then. OK already. Let's go out there and track the bastid critter down. Sheesh.

Finally! He's dead. Now somebody send a note to Blizzard. Wussie Girl no likey-likey extra fast baddies. OK? You got that? Good.

With the way to Kurast secured, it's time to backtrack and tackle the dungeons. (Oh? You didn't realize I had skipped those? Well, nobody blames you. That was a topic of discussion we didn't touch on. We're still not going there, either -- not regarding the jungle anyway).

So the first level of the Flayer Dungeon went without a hitch. We're not going to talk about it, but not because it went badly. Wussie gave them the cold shoulder, end of story. Now level two... that warrants some attention.

What scares a softcore wussie? Undead flayers. Little bony midgets straight out of a parent's worst nightmares. They scamper, they scoot, they hiss, but they're NOT cute. Pitter-pitter-patter! RUN WUSSIE RUN! Oh no. Um... OK, skipping ahead now. Don't mind those stains on my skirt, OK? Good. Get them, my pets! Spank their bony little bottoms!

Blam is a word that rhymes with damn. Do you need to be told about One of the Rich? I didn't think so. And we're not even going to talk about that Other Sucker.

Hiss-hiss! Pitter-pitter-patter! RUN WUSSIE RUN! Oh no. Woops. Blam it! One of the Rich! Um... nothing to see here, folks. No animals were harmed in the making of this film. OK? OK then. Moving on ahead, this level has been cleared, and um, one more to go.

Oh bother. What's this I see? Sparky-sparky floating over from the Witchdoctor's chamber? Aw nuts. ONE OF THE RICH!

Woo man, if this were D2X, that bastid would be Fire/Lit Immune and Wussie'd be cursing up a storm. Have I mentioned yet how GLAD I am that my beta CD arrived a week late, allowing me time to finish 3dotting my softcore wussie? She'd have been simply ruined by 1.08, all things considered. Oh, she might have been OK for that version if built for it from scratch, but she started under one set of rules, and I am OH SO GLAD I finished her under those same rules. Like, you have NO idea how glad, but... that's something we'll talk about later.

OK, so let's just kill this boss from the safety of the grate over here and... Aw crikee. It appears that Wussie's using a different courier now, and her hydras' firebolt packages are not arriving in time in the land down under. She should have used Red X. (Didn't understand that one? Yeah, me either. Don't worry about it. I think Wussie's going just a wee bit crazy by now. Perhaps it's all those crazy-making parts she won't let me talk about yet!)

Let's get a little closer. Perhaps we can zap him with some orbs. OH NO! YOU STUPID MERC! Why did you pick NOW as the best time to charge in there to fire off inferno! One of the rich! Hey there, Doctor Googoo, that's all I's can stand. I can't stands no more!

Well, blam it, that Other Sucker is going down now. That's all there is to it.

Pish and puffle. We're done talking about this fight. You understand me? No mas! Dog Blam One of the Rich, Lightning Enchanted Holy Fire packin Magic Resistant Fire Enchanted Electrified Nuclear Bomb Explodin Napalm Breathing Other Sucker. Die die die die die. (OK, then. NOW we're done talkin about it. I mean it this time. We're moving on.)

Somebody get me a copy of the ABM Treaty. Blammit.

OK OK, yes yes. Moving on. I mean it. We're done here! (Dog Blam LEB Sparky Larkey Mikey Crikee Hydra Resistant Merc Smashin One of the Rich Midget With an Inferiority Complex. Stand on this you midget freak! Huzzah! ... Which Doctor? End Oo Goo!)

Don't look at me that way now. And you quit snickering too! Or I'll box your ears. And just think... all that so Wussie can play Scarecrow. "I have a brain!" Woo. Just in time, too. (A softcore wussie who dies, then dies and dies some more going back for her body... maybe that wouldn't happen if she had a brain? We can only hope!)

Dear Gourd, there are bats in my belfry!

Pitspawn? I thought I nailed him back in the Jail? Yes? No? Hmm.

Level one secure. What will we find on level two? Oh dearie my, another midget zoo!

Hiss-hiss! Pitter-pitter-patter! RUN WUSSIE RUN! Oh no. Woops. OK, that's it. No more talking about this stupid dungeon. Why did we come down here anyway? If one brain isn't enough, this ain't right the place to find another. Cut to the final picture, already, so we can get the Shell out of here. OK? OK then.

Back to Kurast, oopsy. Somehow we overlooked this tasty morsel.

Heal-a-portation bastard. One of the Rich! He killed my merc! You should know, this means war!

"None of your lip, Asheara! Spare me the lecture. Just give me another merc and I'm out of here. Here's your gold. K Thanks Bye Seeya."

They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, he-he, ha-ha, to the Kurast Bazaar, where life is good all the time. "Hello? Yes Ma'am. This is Softcore Wussie. I would like to make an appointment with Doctor Stairs Trap. Oh really? You've had a cancellation and I can come in right away? Oh, that's most excellent. Thank you, be right there!"

Lil Miss Muffet got up off her tuffet and told her foes to pray.
Along came the spiders, the dark death riders -- she blew them all away.

OK, now. Barani? Good man. We're about to attempt the easiest combat scenerio in the entire game. See, what we do is venture down into the Ruined Temple brand Sardine Can. You understand? You following along so far? Good.

Now what happens is this. Doctor Stairs Trap will give us an anal examination. (Yes, that's right. That's the part where we bend over. Now pay attention!) After the colonoscopy, a band of red-headed nurses (like, really REALLY long hair) will attend to us. We'll be herded into the corner, drugged, and beaten to death. Oh yeah, and that's when the fun part starts.

THAT'S when Nurse Sarina comes to look over our charts. You see, she's a speed reader. In fact, they took her right out of a comedy movie. She's the Nurse on Crack, complete with fast-forward go-action animation, state of the art asswhoopin whip and chains, a husky voice and plenty of earthy growls and snarls and such. She will make the anal probe feel like a picnic by comparison.

So... you ready to get started? Cool. You want to go first? No? Hmm. I figured you would say that. OK, now, here we go. Try not to scream too loudly. Remember, this is the EASIEST FIGHT IN THE GAME! Just tell that to yourself over and over while the rectal exam is taking place, and that will make everything all right.

OK then. Hey, cool blood stain effect on the wall behind you, Barani. You might get an academy award nomination for that performance. To be awarded posthumously, of course. Thank you for buying me some time there. You were a good lad.

What's this? A pack of redheaded nurses camping out in this corner? Aw crikee. Now I see why they call themselves Wailing Beasts. Ugly old broads, and how. Ah here comes Nurse Sarina with the anal probe.

ONE OF THE RICH!

OK then. Yepper. Now you are talking Wussie Language there. You don't mind if I step through this blue portal do you? Oh you do? Aw shucks. Oh my. Let's not talk about what came next. (That OK with you? Coolness.)

So Wussie returns from town, new merc in tow. We've got wenches, we've got vampires, we've got redhead sasquatch by the basketful. We've got a big old mess going here. HAIRBALL! Like... slouchie and then some. These Other Suckers! OK that's enough of that. You stop that now. You hear me? Blammit.

Oh there she is again. Where's the rewind on this thing? It seems to be stuck in fast forward.

One little, two little, three little Wailing Beasts. Four little, five little, six little Night Lords. Seven little, eight little, nine little Evil Rogues. Ten of Sarina's minions!

OK, this is a whole bitload (well, OK, something that rhymes with bitload) of stuff we're not talkin about, OK? (Like you didn't KNOW that was coming). Press a bit of fast forward of my own... wallah! We come to the part where Wussie has played her own version of heal-a-portation back and forth and back and forth across the sardine can (look, yummy fish oils!)

Devak, my man. You're looking a little pale there. What happen? Nurse Sarina slap your ass too hard during the rectal exam? Poor fella.

So let's get Devak some of Ormus's attention. The minions may have been smacked around, but there's still that zippy little vixen queen wandering around in the dark down there, and um, yeah. She's going down. OK? Alrighty then.

Ah yes. She is quite fluent in Wussie Talk. Um... Vanji? Oh he's dead. Um... Barani? Flux? Jelani? Devak? Aw crikee. They're ALL dead? Um... blam blam blam. Uh... drat.

Orb, SF, Teleport! Orb, SF, Teleport! (Hey, that's not too bad. Well, unless you happen to teleport into a nest of Wailers. Then it's a whole other barrel full of doom apes, don't you know).

There you have it! Spelled out right before your eyes! MAGIC RESISTANT! (That would be 95% in D2X, PLUS Cold Immune. Yikes. Hey, and I thought THIS was bad enough. OK? OK then).

As you can see, yes, Wussie finally scored. Game over. The score ended at _____ to one. (Ha! You didn't think I was actually going to TALK about that part yet, did you?)

THADAR! There you are! Where the Hell were you when I needed you in that Hairball to End All Hairballs? Oh? You were hiding under the bed in Asheara's quarters? Blammit. THAT WAS BRILLIANT! You should have come and got me, we could have "looked for treasure" under there together.

Oh yummy. Holy Freeze Enchanted Healaportation LEB. Thank Gourd this was out in the open, against a slow-ash walking tree limb. Slouchie. Even then, we're not going to discuss it any further. Just another souped up one of the rich, that's who he was. Sheesh.

On to Upper Kurast. Yay! YAMROSKOOTR! (Yet Another Magic Resistant One Shot Kill One of the Rich!) Arrgh.

Oh look, his pal is standing by in that building right there. Now get yourself a good LONG look at this pretty shot, because Wussie's Tale is the last place you are ever going to see this kind of orb spammage. OK? OK then.

Like, Extra Fast tree trunk? Isn't that an oxymoron? (You know, kind of like Blizzard Bugfix?)

So what's next? The temples in Upper Kurast? UM, NO THANK THEE.

Let's try the Causeway next. Those two temples often turn out peaceful (relatively). And I just know... I JUST KNOW there is a deathtrap waiting for Wussie in the Forgotten Temple. Blammit. So out we go to use the Disused Reliquary.

Oh. My. Gourd. Cursed LEB! ONE OF THE RICH!

Phaet, you poor soul. Are you aware that, at that range, you will take fire damage from every spark that hits you? Oh? You're not? Me either, not yet at least. All I know is, that one that hit you there while I was, um, taking tourist pictures... it smacked you pretty damn hard.

(What happened to Thadar, you ask? Ha! Don't ask that question. OK? OK then).

RUN WUSSIE RUN! Teleport-teleport-teleport! Whew. Pulled Phaet's bacon out of the fire. OH MY GOURD HERE HE COMES AGAIN!

Orb orb orb orb orb! DIE DIE DIE! Please?

Yes! Victory! I want to stop and talk about this for the next seven years, but let's just pretend I did that, because um, I was rushing Wussie through all the temples now, and might as well tell the tale in the same hurried fashion. That good for you? Excellent.

"Paging Doctor Stairs Trap. Doctor Stairs Trap. You're needed in the Ruined Fane, stat!"

Slouchie.

Get a last good look at Phaet, because he's moments away from wishing he had a big fat can of Raid. OK? OK then.

What's up with this fight anyway? The Ruined Fane is almost invariably deserted in the front room, regardless of which of its two formats you draw. This is the SAFEST temple in Kurast in terms of stairs traps. Apparently, nobody informed old Devil Froth here, because he clearly missed that memo.

Well now. The quest temple was completely brutal, but it's done. Cleared. Finito. The three easy temples (hey no snickering) are all done. What's left? The two nasty temples. And... aw screw it. Let's just bite the arrow and clear the Forgotten Temple next. Who needs experience points anyway? Wussie might well write off this whole ass end of act three, if she must. If it goes down like that. If fate wills it. If we even decide to talk about it at all.

Into the Forgotten Temple we go. Bear left, around clockwise now.

WHOA! Multishot arrows come a flying through the door. Uh... they just tagged my merc, and now he and I are both cursed. Um... help.

Slouch. Slouchie. Slou-chee. Sloucheroo. Slouchilicious. Sloucherful. Slouching Great, OK? Slouchicalifragilisticexpialidocious even.

OK then. Sorry there. We have the wrong address. Return to sender. My apologies for disturbing you back there, Ma'am. We'll just mosey on over to the other side of the temple here. No harm, no foul? Excellent. Glad you see it that way!

Yes! Bug champs! Anything. Anything that doesn't shoot five arrows at a time and send Wussie back to town on the Facedown Express is much to be preferred, thank you kindly!

Aw shucks, bugs are all dead already? And the Multishot Meanie can be awakened from the back side, too? Oh pish and puffle.

Yes, indeed. See here now. I'm going to, uh, look for treasure over here. OK? And you hydras, you rush in there and shoot that bee hatch down for me. You got that? Good.

Yes, friends. Enjoy the fireworks. This is something else you're never going to see again, now that hydras are on timers. Of course, now they also do more than zero damage per shot, too, so that's not all bad. But... these kind of fireworks are a thing of the past now. (Glad I got to experience them!)

OK, then. Her goose ought to be cooked by now. Hmm, nope not yet. Must refresh hydras.

Wussie peeks out, starts summoning more pets. Merc takes aim.

*curse sound goes off*

OH SHIT! Tele-tele-tele-tele-teleport to other side of the temple. Whew. Um... now you're talking Wussie Speak there. Yes ma'am. I have also figured out your third ability. Magic Resistant (or is it Fire Enchanted? One of those). You crusty hoe, you. Just have to go and give me a difficult fight. Well, dammit, you're not killing me! I may have been smacked around by things as lame as itches and fallen ones and burning dead, but you my dear demon slut, YOU are going down. Because this fight is personal now. You got me? You receiving this message?

Back we go. MUST... BE... CAREFUL. Run past the door, raise a hydra, dodge volley of arrows. Oops, merc is cursed, he's half dead now, back to town.

Come from the back side now. Raise a few pets. Get her, my babies, get her! Oops, merc got hit, we're both cursed. Back to town again.

Back to town, back to town, back to town, back to town. (How, you ask? What TYPE of methodology of returning to town? Blammit, don't ASK that question, OK? OK then).

Moving carefully... approaching her room from the back side... I've got the door in sight. Time to raise some hydras.

SHE'S CHARGING THROUGH THE DOOR!

SHE IS FIRING!

Slouchie.

How do you dodge five fast-moving arrows when you are caught completely flat-footed? Answer: you don't.

OH MY GOD I'M CURSED AND SHE'S SHOOTING AGAIN! Tel-tel-tel-tel-teleport already! Drink that purple joy juice. Gulp-gulp-gulp. Oh yeah. Let's stop and take a screenshot while Sirian tries to swallow his heart, to get it back down into his chest where it belongs.

OK. Now you've heard me say over and over, "I know that I'm going to get myself killed some day, stopping to take stupid tourist pictures." You've heard that, right?

BEHOLD!

Back to town, back to town, back to town, back to town. Wow, this is the longest fight I have ever had against an opponent who lacked endless healing capacity. That is one beefy broad there. Oh yeah, and she packs a punch too. (As if you hadn't figured THAT out yet). Yeah, maybe some tankin werebear druid would scoff at her, or some Barb decked to the gills in Safety Crafts, but this is lil old Softcore Wussie we are talking about. You know? Ten vitality? No damage reduction candy? Hide-Under-The-Bed-And-Pretend-She's-Looking-For-Treasure Girlie Girl? Yeah.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again. In fact, if you're a stubborn enough old goat, you can just keep trying forever, until with sheer force of will you manage to overcome. Yes, it's good to be a softcore wussie. Wake in town, face down, pick yourself up, see if you're hurt, fix your hair, dust off your skirt. Fight on, fight on, till you have won, sons of Wash... ing... ton. (Rah Rah Rah).

An amulet? For all that, I get a potion and an amulet? Yeah. (Is it any wonder most players skip these temples? Hmm. Actually it is. Can it GET any more fun than this kind of fight? Not for me! This is why I play at all).

Okie Dokey. One more temple. How bad can it be? I mean... if I was willing to talk about that last mess (I told you I knew there was a mess waiting in there), the rest is all downhill from there, right?

Well, perhaps so. That doesn't mean I'm going to talk about it!

Why is Wussie trying to play it safe there? (Other than the obvious reasons. Like... wouldn't YOU play it safe there too? Heh). Answer: the prime evils have packed a whole lot of oily fish goodness into this can. Yeppers.

Remember the first boss of the evening? Yeah, only he was on the other side of a river. This sassy Rich is placing herself in close proximity, and um, she's really going to explode when I turn down her invitation to dance, don't you see. (Wussie's strictly a straight kind of girl, you know. Besides, that whole "moldy green skin" thing she had going was, er, creeping me out. You know?)

Did Wussie manage to polish off this cracker without reaping the explosive rewards? Uh... let's not go into that just yet. OK?

OK, that's it for today's episode. Now boys and girls, gather around. We'll sing you a little farewell song.

Dubya, You, Ess. "Yes, see you real soon." Ess, Eye, Eee. "WE really love you!" Gee, eye, are, ell, *clap*. (Yeah, so it doesn't quite match. You got a problem with that? I didn't think so. Well, OK, then. ALL RIGHTY! Sheesh. So that song sucked. Let's try another. Will that make you happy? Good grief, tough crowd tonight.)

There was a sorcie, cheesy girl.
And Wussie was her name-o!
W! U! S-S, I, E!
W! U! S-S, I, E!
W! U! S-S, I, E!
And Wussie was her name-o!

She spun the ice, o whirly-whirl!
And Wussie was her name-o!
*clap* U! S-S, I, E!
*clap* U! S-S, I, E!
*clap* U! S-S, I, E!
And Wussie was her name-o!

She wielded sparks, she zapped em good!
And Wussie was her name-o!
*clap* *clap* S-S, I, E!
*clap* *clap* S-S, I, E!
*clap* *clap* S-S, I, E!
And Wussie was her name-o!

Her hydras baked them where they stood!
And Wussie was her name-o!
*clap* *clap* *clap* I, E!
*clap* *clap* *clap* I, E!
*clap* *clap* *clap* I, E!
And Wussie was her name-o!

They'd slap her down, she'd wake in town.
And Wussie was her name-o!
*clap* *clap* *clap-clap* E!
*clap* *clap* *clap-clap* E!
*clap* *clap* *clap-clap* E!
And Wussie was her name-o!

She'd dust her skirt off with a frown.
And Wussie was her name-o!
*clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*
*clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*
*clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*
And Wussie was her name-o!

There was a sorcie, don't you know.
Whip them all! Go girl go!
W! U! S-S, I, E!
W! U! S-S, I, E!
W! U! S-S, I, E!
And Wussie was her name-o!

- Sirian

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