Wussie continues Act Two Hell at clvl 47, with 25 Strength, 25 Dex, 10 Vit, 260 Energy.
Frozen Orb @ 18
Cold Mastery @ 6
Static Field @ 12
Teleport @ 1
Lightning Mastery @ 1
Hydra @ 4
Warmth @ 5
All necessary Prereqs @ 1
What's the ultimate Wussie item? The Stone of Jordan! Slap two stones on a twinkee sorceress and lap up that cream filling. Of course, here in single player, no twinking, and you can only get one Stone, but, ah, it's good to have one. Now Wussie's item collection is replete!
"It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing. Do-wap, do-wap, do-wap, do-wap, do-wap, do-wap."
There's not much left to do in Act Two, right? Just the Canyon and the seven tombs. Hardly even worth talking about. Maybe we should just skip right to act three? No? Hmm.
God bless frozen orb. Wussie's the first char I ever really used this skill with (OK, she's the only char I ever used it with in D2). Still, this IS a fun skill. Cold shoulder, lonnnnng chill times, full blown Orbit Mode, spammy time. Like, the queen of offensive power even. Frozen Orb in D2 just plain rocked. OK?
So on into the tombs we go. Lo and behold, there's a stairs trap in the first one. Oh yummy yum. Let's get it on, baybee.
Oh yeah. Now that's a one-shot kill boss to talk about. Teleport-teleport-teleport-teleport. Can Wussie hit the lottery? Can she suffer the wondrous misfortune of having that creep blink next to her and smack her into next year? Perhaps. Perhaps not. We'll talk about that some day. OK? OK then.
First tomb I visited was tomb seven, Circle-and-Crescent on the far right. Next up was the Triangle, and uh... HELL. OH. Hello there. Hiya. Oh greetings. Guten Tag. G'day matey! Like, yo.
OK now. What do you think that is? Casper the friendly ghost? An albino tribble? Glitch in my monitor maybe? A white-eyed pea? My guardian angel making an appearance? Nope. I don't think so. It's the game wishing a whole lot of happy goodness on Wussie Girl, that's what it is.
Well now. OK, let's um, make some room to fight. OK? And um, oh boy. Look who's got a problem with that now. Sheesh.
Just so you know, um, Holy Shock like HURTS when you have no vitality. (Just dropping that little bit of information on you. OK? We're not talking about it otherwise).
OK? OK. OK? OK. OK? OK then. Back to the albino tribble merchant then. OK? OK then.
Like, yo. Sup. Heya. Hola. Check it out. Dude. Whuzzzuhhhh.
Yeah sure, send me that white hot lovin. Paint the screen for me. Charge me up. Let's throw a big fireworks party down here in the underground.
"You ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?"
I am Wussie, hear me squeak! I shall bravely set my sleek fire pets upon you, and casteth my shards of ice from around corners. I shall wuss out of any direct confrontation, then hide under the bed, cover my head, wait until you are dead. Ha!
What's funny, though, is the idea that Wussie can shake down MSLEBs with no great effort, yet, like, some stupid bird or skeleton or some other sad sack of bones can smack her down. Damn this is fun! This much fun is illegal in 62 states, even, and also in Canada.
OK, then. Baal is supposedly hiding in the next tomb, the Chevrons. Might as well go for him now, since, um (yes it's true) Wussie survived that MSLEB and is looking at perhaps leveling up before she gets to the Lord of Pain. Leveling is always good, you know. But to get in, she needs the staff.
Teleporting insects. Where's the Orkin Man when you need him?
This next boss made me laugh. Ahahaha!
"Mighty" bugs? Ahahaha! LOL! ROFL! Teehee! *giggle*
SMACK!
Oh.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why, yes Mister Bug. Yes, sir. Didn't know it was YOU, there. I was, uh, laughing because I mistook you for a cakewalk opponent. My bad.
(We're not going to discuss it any further).
Now THAT was an event! Wussie RAN OUT OF MANA! Like, 800+ mana, OK? Endless endless hordes of little buggies, little squishies, little mess makers. Rugrats ad infinitum. If only that nymphomaniac Coldworm looked a little more attractive, she would be every guy's dream lover. Like, she never gets enough. You know? She never stops, never has a headache. Those kids are real brats, but nobody's perfect. Rabbits have NOTHING on this girl.
On into the true tomb now. Wading, wading, wading through the undead. Wussie's in Orbit Mode, and it's all dyin in a big hurry. Orb Orb Orb Orb, snap crackle and pop. Hissing of corpse gas, but you know, Gheed's right. It befouls the air a moment, and then it disappears.
Across the fruited plains we go. Wow what a big tomb this is. Sometimes you forget how large, but when you don't find the throne room until the very last corner of the place, you can be reminded.
Uh oh. Wussie hears the sound of the Might Aura going off. Um... in a hallway FILLED with undead. Oh crap.
(See, for reasons we're not discussing now, Wussie has a newly awakened respect for the Might Aura).
The unnerving part is the Unravelers raising the dead as fast as I put them down. I've got to use a little care here. Ah there's the culprit, finally. Down the other hallway? Heh. Guess I read that wrong. Well, finally found him though.
Now see, he would be Cold Immune in the expansion. Nothing in old D2 stands up to Cold Mastery, though. Not even a Magic Resistant CEB. He's going down. Mr. CEB, I introduce you and your face to Mr. Floor. You two should HIT it off rather nicely. *giggle*
OK, Big Ugly time. Wussie can only rack up an extra 100 life by sacrificing all her resists? (The ONE place in the game it makes sense to do so). Hmm, 380ish? I had better than that in Nightmare. Ah, the pains of a small stash. Can't keep all the old junk anyway. And, uh, I fell quite a bit short of the level up I expected to have by now. (We're NOT talking about why, either. OK? So don't ask!) Well, screw it. No damn cheesecake act boss scares a softcore wussie. If he pastes me into next week, who the Hell cares. Right? He's goin down and now.
Woo, yeah! Take that you stinky hunk of limburger, you.
OK, still four tombs to go. Did you know that Apparitions are speedy little bastards? Teleporting one are as bad as Extra Fast Heal-a-portation bosses of other kinds. I shudder to think of facing an Extra Fast apparition. Sheesh. (Not that Wussie is scared. Um... no way. She's only frightened of Might-Enchanted insects. OK? OK then).
Now on to the Square tomb. Uh...
Oh shit.
Me and my fat mouth. Dammit.
RUN!!!
GET AWAY!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Orb-orb-orb-orb-orb! ARRRGH! THAT'S NOT EVEN SLOWING HIM DOWN!
Oof.
Uh, sorry for the lack of screenshots. You don't mind if we don't talk about that part much, do you?
OK now what. How to handle this problem? Wussie could just, um, hide under the bed. Or start a new map. Maybe I should start a new map. I thought Mighty Bugs were bad, but no. The speedy lil one-shot-kill ghostly critter, now THAT is bad. OK? Bad even by wussie standards. A softcore wussie may be designed to sound like Farmer Brown Went to Town, but that doesn't mean they like it. I've, uh, got too much experience left on this bar to want to throw it away. OK? OK then.
Well, there's nothing for it. Got to try. Use teleport, run, hide, pray. Here we go.
Oh shit. Oh sheeeeeeeeeeeeeyit. Dammit, he's fast. That's FAST. Fast. Fast. Very fast. Not slow.
OH YES! He's STUCK ON A PILLAR NOW! Yes yes yesyesyesyesyes! Oh yes. Eat my ice, you biznatch.
My darlings, my lovelies. GET. HIM. NOW.
Wussie walks up, kicks the ashes of his remains.
"You are now dead." *giggle*
They're coming to take me away. Hoho, hehe, haha! To the funny farm, where life is good all the time. Hoho, hehe, haha!
Fights like that drive even a Wussie Girl a little crazy. Don't you know.
After all that excitement (including parts not to be discussed or even mentioned again), Wussie's in full-on bravery mode now. Here's a fine example, the remains of an apparition champion pack killed THROUGH THE DOOR with hydras. If the game can cheese me out, I can cheese it back. Ha!
And I don't mind admitting, after Big Old Mean Ghostie boss with the afterburner, Wussie was in no mood to tackle four apparition champs. Speedy bastards. Whatever happened to the idea that undead are sluggish? Sheesh. Well at least they ARE stupid, unable to open or fly through a door. Ha! Take that!
Now, do you all remember what rhymes with slouch?
That one wasn't SO bad. On the other hand, this one WAS:
Sparks. That. HURT.
Slouchie. :(
One tomb left to go. The big Circle. And guess who's coming to dinner? Before we can dance at that party, however, we must clear the floor of pretenders.
More LEBs. Um, yay?
Yes, let's set a Stairs Trap onto Wussie Girl in the final tomb. Let's include a Lightning Enchanted one-hit-kill boss and pack him into a sardine can. Yummy salty fishy goodness. Eat up!
LEBs and more LEBs now. FECELEBs, ES and MS LEBs, Holy Shock LEBs, LEBs that can spin plates on sticks, walk a tightrope, and decipher truth out of the Lying Character Screen. ALL KINDS of amazing LEBs.
OK, time for a sanity check here. Let's take a short break and rest in town. OK?
Hmm. Hey Elzix, what do you think of this fashion statement?
Elzix said, "Sorry, hon. You're no Ember. You don't even LOOK like a sturdy adventurer, sorry. Why don't you just forget fashion altogether, and stick to the killing. You do that part very well."
Wussie just stared at him in shock! The nerve of that guy! Hmmph. Not sturdy? Who's he kidding anyway? I've got a whopping ten vitality here!
*sigh*
Ah, but before the grand feast, one more little pest to swat.
OK then. In the last corner of the last tomb, the Big Boy waits for the little Wussie Girl. They are going to dance, you see. Dance, dance, dance the night away.
"It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing. Do-wap, do-wap, do-wap, do-wap, do-wap, do-wap."
EXTRA Fast Heal-a-portation, magic resistant, sparkling, one-smack-jack, blinkety blink-blink zippety-do-da lover boy. Oh yes. Oh yes oh yes oh yes, make me moan, big guy. Make me groan.
Dance, dance, dance the night away.
Five minutes, ten. Fifteen, twenty. "Oh Kaa... I just LOVE your long hair!"
Dance, dance, dance the night away.
Twenty-five, thirty. Back and forth and back again. Up the hall, down the hall, around the tomb, through every room, zoom-zoom-zoom. Make me sweat. Are we there yet? Will this dance ever end? How much would you care to bet?
Dance, dance, dance the night away.
Hey big boy, thanks for the dance. I enjoyed the tour. I've got to run, though. What's this? A present for lil old Wussie Girl? A fine piece of jewelry??? Oh thank you, darling. Thank you. Just what I always wanted! +1 to maximum damage!
Dance, dance, dance the night away...
- Sirian
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