Wussie continues Act One Hell at clvl 41, with 25 Strength, 25 Dex, 10 Vit, 230 Energy.

Frozen Orb @ 12
Cold Mastery @ 5
Static Field @ 12
Teleport @ 1
Lightning Mastery @ 1
Hydra @ 4
Warmth @ 4
All necessary Prereqs @ 1

The Marsh, complete with Hole and Tower (Blizz designers would make a field day for the Freudians) marks the halfway point in act one. Logically, the game doesn't shift modes until you reach the monastery, as the Highland and Pit are more of the same from the early action, but strictly speaking in terms of work spent to full clear, the Marsh is the break point.

Wussie had a ball mowing down the Highland. I mean slaughtering them wholesale. Skel mages? Buncha melee rogues? Some carvers? Orb fodder, one and all. My wussie may drop dead at the mere suggestion of threat, but there were no such whisperings here. Nope. Orb orb orb, cast a hydra scout, whip a couple SFs onto that LARGE mob of rogues, finish with Cold Shoulder. By now I've grown not just comfy, but expert with the frozen orbs. I know where to place them to maximize the effect, and the placement just comes naturally. Wussie was riding high!

Then it was time to do the pit. Oh darn it. Oh shit. Rats and drat, those catty little brats, making fun of wussie's hat, and I don't much like that. Whip up a big vat of icy pitty pat, duck through the caves filled with bats, to wrestle the big bosses and pin them to the mat!

Opponent number one, it's Multishot boss twenty-one. Dirt Ouch? What a name. But hey, suit up, let's play this game! What joy, wha fun! Look at little Wussie run!

Not this time, girly-whirl. Not this time.

Now how much would you care to bet that the fun is not quite over yet? Gird up your belt, check your shield, as another combo LEB takes the field.

"With demonic speed, she moved." Ha! What a joke that is in the cinematic. Not here, though. Teleport-orb, teleport-orb. Goodness grief, how much damage can she absorb??

The sparks, they fly. With each one passing, death breathes nigh. Can Wussie Girl dance to this beat? Dodge and shuffle those happy feet? Such dangers, they bring an adrenalin high. With skillful orb shots, bossy girl says byebye.

What treasures await at the end of this run? Four potions, a dagger, some arrows I've won!

On into the barracks. What scares a Wussie Girl? Something that can kill her in one hit, of course. Something that's particular fast and teleports around and can kill her in one hit, and can also resurrect its minions, now that is a threat.

Do I even want to TALK about this fight? I don't think so.

Moving on now... and what scares a Wussie Girl again? Something that can kill her in one hit, of course. And how many of those are wandering around Hell? Oh, only about 6,771,901,222,543,600,001,444,929,869,733,201 of them.

Of course, orbs are no slouch either! (Remember, slouch rhymes with ouch. I can inflict some deep hurting on them, you know. Really I can. If, uh, I live to cast more than two spells. Let's not discuss that aspect of it, OK?)

Here's a case of "You can teleport endlessly, but you can't hide."

And here's a case of "You can teleport endlessly, and *I* can't hide! Help. No, seriously. Help me. Please. Somebody?"

OK, so here's the part where I'm not going to say much. Not talkin about it. Let's bury our heads in the haystack and pretend it's all just a dream, OK? Good. ... Hey now, you're peeking! No fair! I told you already, I'm NOT talking about it.)

How does somebody return to a fight after waking up in town? Through the waypoint of course. (This is not me talking about anything here, you understand? No funny looks from you, either.) Now what happens when you use a waypoint repeatedly without having the area secured? ... Say what? Hmm. Yeah, probably.

OK, here's a bunch of cool pictures you don't need to see. (Whatever you're imagining is probably worse anyway, but I just can't bear to converse on this subject. My feelings on this rhyme with Dirt, Brain, and Slouch. OK? Are you happy now?)

Yay! Easy victory for Wussie! (Oh quit snickering).

The Jail, oh the jail. I shall not hesitate to brag about the slaughtering I inflicted on them in the jail! Not even the prince of cold, not even in blinky mode, could put a damper on Wussie's festivities here. (After the Slouchie I received from the Smith, the Heep Dirting he inflicted, the waves of Brain, the black and blue Cruises, the Nuddy Blose... well, it felt good just to smack some cheap skels around, punch out a few ghosts, and give some goats the Cold Shoulder.

And then came the part we're not going to talk about, OK? Do you understand me?

Slouch. OK? Slouchie!

Have I mentioned what it's like to get shot while cursed? I haven't? Well DUH, of course I haven't, because I don't talk about that, OK?

What's a poor lil wussie to do when there's big bad skels standing over, uh, over certain bottles of liquid on the floor? (Don't look at me! I have NO IDEA how those got there!) Wuss out, that's what. Pour the cheese sauce all over them and light up the grill. Time for a big ole barbecue!

Now, what scares a Wussie Girl again? Say it with me now. "Something that can kill her in one hit, of course!" And how many of those are there in Hell? Oh fiddle, let's not even talk about it.

Just keep telling yourself, it's only a dream. This is not happening. There is nothing at all here to talk about.

Now, where's the Multishot boss? You just KNOW there's got to be one lurking around here somewhere. Ah yes.

So... nothing much to discuss about level one. Level two ought to be a bit more fun.

Extra Fast spider? Here's a small, little known fact. Extra fast spiders can keep up with a teleporting sorceress. That's ALL I'm going to talk about there, OK. OK? OK then.

Woops, I thought I killed that Multishot boss.

What's that you say? That's a different one? Nah, can't be. I've been seeing him since Tristram. He has a lot of fake ID's, you know. One even says, "Florida Driver's License", clearly a document faked straight out of Hell.

Now here's a fight I don't mind talking about.

HAHA! Fooled ya. I'm not talking about that one, either, OK? Sorry.

Now we get down to the bottom line here. Why does Andariel surround herself with the lamest crap from act one? Like, quill rats would do her better, I kid you not. Spiders, quill rats, and a couple of boss bitches like old Red Vex, don't you know. Where's all that? Nowhere. Coupla slowpoke zombies and a few fallen ones. Ha! Cmon, not even Wussie is scared of that lineup.

There is one thing I'm going to talk about here, OK? Antidote potions. These can be a girl's best friend. Give old Bad Hair Day something to think about, as I Static the life right out of her, then pop her with a Cold Shoulder or two.

Whee! Look ma! No MSFELEB stairs traps this time out!

Bah, too easy. It would be shameful to have died here.

* Wussie Girl shuffles a foot, looks around the room, scratches her head a bit, brushes dirt off her skirt, whistles a bit. Then she notices you staring at her.

"Huh? What? Why are you looking at me like that? Oh fiddle. You saw the victory shots. That's all we need to talk about for now. OK?"

Wussie will see you in the desert.

- Sirian

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