THE CHAOS SANCTUARY

Yeah. Let's do this. No Hell-Spawned undead wizards and necromancers are going to deter the mighty summoner, Subpoena! Once called, you must appear in court to deliver your testimony! Testify, I say TESTIFY, to the power of summoning! Let's mop up this crusty joint.

Two stalwart skeletal warriors. Five mighty necromages. One unstoppable iron golem. One brilliant necromancer. One cleared Chaos Sanctuary.

That was the plan.

I took a few more steps, met a fellow who objected to my arrival. A brief argument ensued, and...

So much for the plan.

Blood Bang the Mauler? Aptly named Oblivion Knight boss, there. He, um, mauled P's force in... well, it happened so quickly, I found myself looking around in confusion, wondering WTF just happened and where in Hell did my army run off to? Good grief.

Uh... they are shooting at me now. This is a problem. There aren't any enemy corpses on hand. I can't summon skeletons. There's no weaponry to conjure another iron golem. This is not good. Well, there's the old standby clay golem. "Get out there! Distract them for me while I make a strategic advance to the rear. There's a good lad."

There! Are you happy now, P? Have you seen enough? Let's restart. You can level up to 30 and come back with a couple of revives.

"No pansy by the name of 'Blood Bang' is going to tell ME what to do. He's toast. He just doesn't know it yet."

I rolled my eyes. Grand. Just dandy. Wonderful even. Is this guy a brother to Bonehead or something? *sigh*

So we rounded up a few more skeletons from the bodies on the river. The game doesn't leave many bodies after you leave an area. Most get erased. It will leave a few, though. Usually. So with new troops on hand, back goes P, into the fray.

I had plenty of spare weapons in town. I could have summoned another iron golem. Why bother? What I need now is a point man to take the heat. I need a recastable golem I can spam into their faces, to shout "Boo!" and scare them off. I have to manipulate them indirectly, keep them as bunched as possible, and prevent them from targetting the necromages. A single hit kills a skeleton here, so there's almost no room for error.

Charge! Oh yes, this is working beautifully! Oops. Golly is DEAD ALREADY??? Sheesh. Um... get back out there, you pile of rocks! Summon. Summon again. Again. Again-again-again. Wow, he's taking a beating here. Oops, there goes one mage. Now another. Bone spirits and magic missiles are flying by in droves. (It's a little nerve-wracking not to be targetted by the bone spirits. These are the extras that were all flying at Golly -- the overkill portion that go to waste because he's already been eradicated by the first couple of hits).

The good news? (Yes, there is actually some good news!) Look under the right-most bone spirit. You see the body of one slain minion. The cost is dear, the effort brutal, the tension high, but there IS progress being made.

Well... this is going south in a hurry. One mage left and the minions are split away from the boss. I only have one golem here you know! Arrgh.

Time for another "strategic advance to the rear."

Now what? There are no more corpses available anywhere in act four, and none of my golems can damage these mages enough to matter, before they are erased by enemy fire. What to do? What to do?

Fortunately for P, this is not D2. This is the Expansion. So we hop to the Cold Plains waypoint, roll over a pack of Fallen and a couple corrupted Rogues, and back to the waypoint, then back down the portal into the CS. Yes indeedy, no more nightmarish recruitment contortions, ala Skeletorr. Now I can transfer minions between acts, so there should be plenty of resources, if needed.

Back we go, a fresh army in tow. The enemy minions are generating health all during that time, so they are looking stronger than when P left. So it goes.

The mages will often run from the clay golem. Thus, when the enemy would make a good move, like charging past the golem to get at the vulnerable necromages, P would fall back, recast Golly in front of the enemy offender, and try to reestablish the front.

Despite my most noble efforts to spam the golems, at times almost desperate to provide the thinnest imaginable cover to my feeble artillery, there was no way to contain the enemy completely. They way overmatched P's force. Each tiny bit of progress was hard won, each foot of ground hard fought.

The barest misstep, or even a bit of bad luck, could shake the table, causing this house of cards to collapse. Another army down, another advance to the rear.

Despite the challenge factor, I could taste the tide turning. I could smell something in the air, through the brimstone, behind the ash and smoke. It smells like... victory.

My boys are dying by the squadful, but the enemy is faltering. They are giving ground. I can sense them about to break, beaten down by sheer force of will, crushed by a few paltry skeletons and a lot of smoke and mirrors.

Only one necromage left in the group, but there are some minions almost dead now. Just hold on, Golly... Just keep their attention occupied. Cast, cast, summon-summon-summon, clay golems by the half-bushel, sacrificial lambs by the score. MUST... NOT... FALTER...

Then, finally, a second minion is slain, then a third. (Yes, all this time, only one kill had been scored so far!) I drive the remainder back back back with more aggressive golem-casting, then raise another mage from the corpse, push the enemy back even further, and raise a third mage. (All three poison shooters? Arrrrrgh!)

The last minion finally goes down. The boss flees to the right. I use the last corpse and obtain... YES! A fire shooter. The boss is cornered now, and it's only a matter of time until he succumbs. Many golem resummons are required, but he's pinned and the math runs in my favor now.

Um... HEY! Hey you! You're not part of the plan here! Arrgh!

No! Shoo! Get away! GIT! Giddyap! Off with you! Remove your foul demon self from my land!

Oh Good Grief! What a mess! Down to one necromage, and he's a poison shooter, yet he's all I have and he has to kill this Venom Lord (who has 75% poison resistance, mind you) all by himself, WHILE P TANKS FOR HIM, all the while never letting off the pressure to keep the boss cornered. What a juggling act! This silly little skirmish took all my tactical skill and determination to pull off.

I tell ya, war is Hell. Even one sad enemy troop flanking your position can shatter even the most stable situation. And then what? THAT is when you learn how much of general you really are.

They say that no plan survives contact with the enemy. Plans are nice, they offer a good starting point. After that, it's seat of the pants. Can you fly this thing? You'll find out, won't you.

Skeletorr was perhaps the most fun character I played in D2, because he was so powerless. Everything was done through his pathetic little minions, with Skel directing traffic with his curses (and mostly not even then, until late late Nightmare and into Hell). So I suppose it should not surprise me to find that Subpoena is providing the most fun in the Expansion. There is something immensely entertaining about stringing together these feeble units to outwit a stronger enemy. This is by far the most intellectual sort of build, because the tools are so flimsy and clumsy. I love it. :)

OK, so... P is now in the door of the CS. That's, what? Five percent down? Ninety-five left to go? Piece of cake, I tell you.

Now that I've worked this hard to get this far, it has become a certainty. There's no turning back now. P is marching on to victory, and he's doing it NOW, come Hell or High Water. I don't care how difficult it is. I don't care how many golems get smashed. I don't care how much fight they put up. They don't have what it takes to shut me down, and that's that.

Work it, work it. Back to iron golems now. They make relatively short work of fighters, balrogs, even finger mages. The Oblivions, those are the dangerous enemy. P is carrying several junk weapons with him all the time now. When an Oblivion shows his face, there is no hesitation. Spam the clay golems, corral him, contain him, corner him, eliminate him. Then drop a piece of junk and summon a new iron golem. Inch by inch, yard by yard, P marches on, relentlessly, on and on and on -- rumbling, stumbling, bumbling right over the enemy force. Over the hill and through the woods to grandmama's house we go. Only... in this case, grandmama is doing her best Godzilla impersonation, complete with lightning breath, spines on the back, and a whole lot of pathetic little wailing.

When the enemy pulls off a successful flanking move (and they do, over and over, despite my best effort), the formation invariably collapses. Sometimes P can pull back, summon a new golem (Iron if there is time, Clay if there is not), and reform, with most of the artillery intact. Other times, it's a total loss, a stunning defeat, P's entire force wiped out. In those cases, he must make another trip back to act one, to recruit new mages and warriors. (The warriors never last long, but what the Hell. P recruits them anyway).

Rather than clear out the entire Sanctuary, then open the seals, I decide to open the Seals as I come to them. First up, the east wing. The Infector of Souls.

P's mages get wiped out one by one as they venture too close to the action. It doesn't matter. These lads are discovering the pleasures of Golly's thorns.

I love the iron golem's icon portrait. The clay golem icon looks like a pile of goo -- rolls of mud, fat and sloppy, and wimpy. The blood golen icon looks... raw. Also not too bright (aka stupid, very stupid looking -- a vacuous expression on his face). The fire golem icon... *shiver*! He looks even more fat and slobbish than the clay golem (and that's bad). He also looks... delicate. Not manly? A little... gay, perhaps? Like he's ready to knit you some socks and drink cappucino. (That reddish background doesn't help, you know).

Anyway, I love the iron golem icon. He looks like a linebacker. I love those shoulders, that grim face, the whole deal. He looks... tough. Like he can take care of some business, you know? He looks like a thug. Not particularly bright, but smarter than the rest of those clods, capable of following orders and breaking some heads. Those beady little eyes, burning with an urge to do violence. And he shows some teeth, like he's snarling quietly, seething with rage, ready to take it out on some poor schmuck. I love it. :)

The only thing sad about him is that squeak/groan he makes. It DOES remind me of godzilla -- that bearish-lionish-metallic squawk sound. Well, the first half of it at least. The RRRRRAINNNT sound, not the releasing moan afterward. (If you've watched any Godzilla, you KNOW what I mean. If not, forget it). RRRRRAINNNT. RRRRRAINNNT. RRRRRAINNNT... He even has spines on the back. The squeaking as he runs around, though, that spoils the illusion. Diablo's impression of Godzilla is more true to form -- cheese and all. Radioactive Lizard From Hell.

Iron Golly can handle himself a few oblivion knights, mind you. I let him do his thing as much as possible, and only replace him with the Clay golem when I have to do so to preserve frontage or drive a wedge between a larger pack of mages.

Fighting on two fronts is never good, but if it's going to be bad, at least let it be only midly bad, like in the picture above. Two cold shooting mages took a lot of the bite out of the Doom Knights, while Golly sliced and diced the enemy mages. (This is why you form your golems out of the strongest available junk weapons you've turned up. So they can dish reasonable melee damage at those times when you can't support them with artillery.)

P worked his way out of that pickle, then marched steadily onward, straight to the top seal. The trick to dividing the enemy is speed and flight. Use the walls to trap the Storm Casters while the knights come around to fight you, or use the lava to slow or stop the knights while the Casters fly across to engage you. The Oblivions throw a wrench into the works, of course, but that's what makes it fun. Eventually, through patience and determination (and sufficiently effective management of your forces) you will arrive at your destination.

The last wing was almost deserted, at least compared to the others. P released the next boss, who promptly detonated himself on Golly's thorns.

Now time for the one foe I could not hope to challenge with iron golems. Oh sure, I might as well start with the iron golem. No use wasting the one I have. But... when he goes down, or when the moment comes when I must place a golem somewhere that he isn't, to intervene and prevent the destruction of my mages, that will be the end of iron golems for this fight. Then it will be clay, clay and more clay. (I will probably not ever use Blood Golem again).

So we set the bastid loose, then it's back to town via portal, return through waypoint and march on to the CS. I won't be able to do this with Revives, I know, but might as well do it now, not only to be safe, but for a better fighting position. (Never let luck or bad karma dictate the terms of the fight to you, unless you have no choice). So we arrive at the pentagram and the battle is joined.

Divide and conquer, that's the secret. P maintained frontage with the expendable (and replaceable) clay golem, well enough to protect his weaker troops. Many golems were required, and I had to wield them not only as shield, but as sword. Drive a wedge through the enemy formation by casting the golem in their midst. The mages are programmed to "panic", wherein they cast Decrepify and then flee at increased speed. (They can haul some ass, too, when threatened). Unfortunately, once they are separated even a little bit, the task becomes much more demanding. (You only have one golem. How can he cover more than one pocket of enemies?)

I managed to drive a poison-shooting Oblivion away from the others, into the wall just above the corner located to the right of the pentagram. I then recast Golly on the back side, to draw the fire of the rest of the mages, while my bony lads shot down the straggler. His poison was next to useless against them, but his bone spirits knocked off two of my troops. Arrgh. But... down he went. Yes, one of the easier targets, but that will be one less bone spirit shooter harassing me on my flanks.

As I tried to separate off another, De Seis made a bold charge into the heart of my formation, and the next thing I know, P has lost his army. With nothing left to cover him, he had to run a lot of loops to avoid bone spirits, but now was the optimal time to drive the enemy as much apart as I could. I managed to corral one minion almost to the Infector's seal in the east, with the rest semi-scattered north of the pentagram. Time to visit act one again, and the pickins were getting to be slim in the Stony Field now, so it was on to the Dark Wood to round up recruits.

Back we come, and a fresh cast of Golly has the enemy mage pinned. Down he goes.

The next task was to force De Seis away from a pair of his troops. The last minion was nowhere to be seen, but that was good. I could find him later. I pushed De Seis south of the pentagram with several golems (Poor Golly, he has it rough in this fight). Then I tried to split the pair of minions at the corner between the Viz's wing and De Seis's wing. They weren't having any of it, and I pressed my luck too soon and lost another army. After herding them as far apart as they would allow me, I blinked back to the Dark Wood for more troops, then came at them again. As with Blood Bang, I had to use P himself as a tank in this situation to maintain enough frontage to keep some mages alive while they worked on a trapped enemy. Whew, that's some nerve-twisting stuff, there. Gets the adrenalin going (at least for me it does. Softcore maybe, but I hate dyin, as you know).

As you can see, I barely held it together. One necromage left as the first knight is slain, and that sad sack of bones was wounded. This would be the last time I ventured back to act one. With the other Oblivion now isolated, he was easily herded into a corner and dispatched. I found the other minion and repeated the procedure on him. Yes, many golems required, but I was only getting better and wielding my golems more precisely as time passed. Then it was just the boss left, and he ran and ran and ran from me, across half the CS, before I managed to corral him against a wall, once more using P to help tank. Once I had him locked up, P was able to back off. De Seis's health was whittled away until he fell.

So it came time for Diablo. P was right after all: he WAS up to this task, if only barely and with a lot of extra work. But... it would actually have taken more time and work to level up up up ever so slowly. I just didn't have that in me at the time. I preferred to battle my way through, even though skillwise I was behind the curve.

De Seis was raised as a lowly skeletal warrior. Serves him right. :)

I made about eight or so trips to town, to pile most of my surplus junk on the floor below the pentagram. I made a second, smaller pile off the northeast edge of the pentagram. Then it was time to pop the seals. Would my mages and lone warrior earn a Pyrrhic victory by tagging Diablo before he erased them with a flame nova?

Yes!

Then he cast his nova, and they crumpled into ashes. Golly took a pretty brutal pounding as well, but he did live through the nova. Then Diablo smacked him all to Heaven, and that was Golly One gone. Time for Number Two. Time for Number Three. Four. Five-Six-Seven. Eight. Nine-Ten. Oooh boy oh boy oooh boy. Diablo is melting down more than he's smacking, and either way, the golems are dying so quickly, P can barely cast more in time.

A bit of Summon Resist spared the lives of a few slvl 5+1 golems long enough for their thorns to get in a lick. Still, there were a lot of golems "wasted", as they could not survive the breath attack or the flame river.

By now, Diablo was growing weaker, but P had used up his main supply of golem fuel. The piles of weapons on the south side (forty or fifty total) were gone. P only had half a dozen in the reserve pile on the other side of the pentagram. These would not be enough, and there were no more waiting in town. P had used all that he gathered. He would have to spend gold to buy more. Rather than spend lots to buy from Halbu and Jamella, I got the bright idea to run back to Charsi, where white and gray items would still be on sale. (Won't have that option in NM and Hell, but we'll cross those bridges later).

I bought the most compact weapons available, even if they weren't the cheapest. I managed to stuff nine items into inventory (one on alternate weapon slot) and dumped them with the others in the CS. I now had thirteen items to work with. Would that be enough? If not, I'd have to shop again.

So I lured Diablo up there, and he toasted the first three golems. Not a scratch on him. This wasn't looking good.

Then he started pawing them finally, and he beat at several in a row, doing himself some serious injuries. I started to believe that this pile would finish the job.

Then he burnt two golems to ash with his firestorm attack, and he breathed on two more after that. With just two items left, I pondered my luck. Diablo was down to a sliver. Would one more hit finish him? I summoned a golem, Diablo smacked it and survived, then he breathed on it. Now just one item left on the floor. Last chance (ok ok, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I could run and buy more golem fuel, but who wanted to do that? Not me!)

Diablo cast a fire nova!

No! Not that! Arrgh.

But wait! Golly isn't finished yet! (Da dum duh-duh-dum da dum duh-duh-dum... DAH-DAH-DOOMMMM! DAH-DAH-DOOMMMM! Yes, the Theme Song From Rocky starts blaring through Hell's own loudspeakers). Diablo swings with a right cross and punches out his own lights while Golly remains standing!

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!

Yes, that's a level of Dim Vision, obtained from P's current totem. It hasn't been used, won't ever be. Probably be replaced in act five, if not by Anya's reward item, then something else more significant than +2 to Skeleton Magi.

Golly stands proudly over his fallen opponent! Yes, it's true. Diablo put him to the mat some fifty or sixty times, but Golly just kept on getting back up somehow. As if... by magic! The hulking brute beat Golly's face inside out so many times, he wore out his fist and collapsed of a heart attack. WELCOME THE NEW CHAMPION OF HELL! The machine with the mighty roar! (Squeak!) Oops. Well, OK, maybe the roar isn't so mighty, but that's still one tough machine!

Hmm, what's this? The ex-champ's boots are lying here on the floor. Let's take a peek at these, see if they hold a lucky vibe.

Oh yes. These are keepers. Need to get this silly "Lord of Terror" inscription sanded off and replaced with a "Master of the Summons" notation. Perhaps somebody in the next town can handle that for us. P will see you there.

- Sirian

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